Building Character in Children

               What’s the matter with kids these days?  How often have you heard that question or even asked it yourself?  After spending thirty years teaching and working with children and their parents, I have a bit of insight into the answer.  So much of the blame, if blame is to be laid, can be directly attributed to weak parenting.  Let’s face it:  There are no bad kids, just bad parents.  Now I know that is not what most parents want to hear, but it is the truth, like it or not, and what I really believe is that bad parenting is what has gotten this country in the shape it is in. 

                How many parents have really taken the time and effort to hold their children accountable and to see failure as an opportunity to learn and problem-solve?  With my own children, a failing paper in school meant they would have to go to tutorials, miss out on social events, and take on a few more responsibilities to learn the value of doing a job right the first time.  We once made our son use his own money to pay his very smart friend to tutor him through algebra.  It didn’t take him long to figure out that it was more rewarding to pay attention in class and ask questions of the teacher whose services were free!  With my students, late papers were only accepted in extenuating circumstances and carried the price of a thirty-point deduction and a call home.  The first six weeks was tough, but then only a few failed to get with the program.   How many of us have taught the children in our lives to work hard, put 10% of their earnings in savings and another 10% into a charity, pay all of their bills on time, and play with what is left over? 

                I grew up as a so-called "have not" in the fishing village of Flour Bluff, Texas, in the 1970's.  However, because I chose to actually take advantage of a free public education in an excellent school system, I have been able to live my dreams.  In those days, our teachers did not give us little coupons or candy or prizes for expected behaviors.  Nor did they give us chance after chance after chance to turn in our work.  We were expected to meet the deadlines that they set, do quality work, and follow the rules. We knew that failure in any of these areas would have unpleasant consequences, including a call home that would prompt our parents to add to our punishment.  As a result, I learned a true work ethic that has helped me be successful in everything I have done.  That institution was the great equalizer for those who chose to show up, work hard, take pride in their work, and truly become good citizens.

            Of course, our school gave us opportunities to learn what being a good citizen was about.  For example, when I was in junior high, our school did something that made such a strong impression on me that if affected all that I have done as a member of society.  We were given an opportunity to clean Waldron Road, the main drag in our community.  The entire junior high walked from end to end of this street and cleaned every foot of the roadside, including the very deep ditches.  At the end of the day, we returned to school hot, tired, and proud of what we had accomplished together. Likewise, my husband's high school drafting class was given the chance to replace the entire floor in the varsity gym. They loved it!  The "haves" and the "have nots" worked side-by-side, talked to each other, laughed with one another, and became equals.  Our parents did not see either of these tasks as degrading, dangerous, or too physically difficult.  They saw them as character builders.  After all, hard work would always be required of us. 

                Today I see a different kind of parent on the rise.   They train their children by rewarding them for every little thing that they do, often times giving the reward before the job has been done.  Of course, parents like to blame the schools for what’s wrong with their kids, and I certainly believe schools have been aiding and abetting these parents for the last few years.  I have seen many an administrator or teacher bow down to the wishes of a demanding parent whose little darling finds himself on the wrong side of the “law”. Why, I have seen schools buy into ridiculously expensive, restrictive behavioral plans that tie the teachers' hands, reward expected behavior, and basically leave bad behavior unchecked. Too many opportunities to violate a rule without punishment are given.  Think of it as a behavioral welfare system that rewards mediocrity. 

                Of course, I know that there are some really good parents out there doing all the right things.  Their children, thank goodness, are in the majority and will work hard and become good, law-abiding productive members of society.  However, the negligent or over-indulgent parents, who are responsible for the outlaws who will drain our system, our bank accounts, our public service organizations, and our energy, must decide to become the adults in the family and bravely use the wonderful power of veto.  Until that happens, every step forward of society will be slow and lumbering as the productive drag the lazy along with them.  The village can help raise a child, but it is the individual parent who can raise an outstanding citizen.